


Pirates and Parasites

by coffee_mage



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5+1 Things, Crack, Fleas, Hraxlian Kraglin, M/M, Peter was raised by space pirates with questionable hygiene, Ravager-typical child abuse, Ravagers - Freeform, The 99th, Yondu is the okayest dad in the universe, Yondu makes terrible life choices, Yondu? Yondon't!, ruined sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 18:38:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11363277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffee_mage/pseuds/coffee_mage
Summary: Inspired by this line: "Now, Yondu's used to lice. Ain't nothing wrong with the odd bed-bug. He doesn't boast enough body hair to make 'em a pest (unlike Kraglin, who has to be de-flea'd yearly in livestock-dip, whether he consents to the dunking or otherwise)."It occurred to me there had to be a reason for needing to flea-dip Kraglin as opposed to making him take a simple pill like what I give my dog.This is the reason.Or: Five times Yondu tried to make Kraglin take his flea meds and one time Yondu just said 'fuck it.'





	Pirates and Parasites

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Write_like_an_American](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Write_like_an_American/gifts).
  * Inspired by [No Son of Mine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11144670) by [Write_like_an_American](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Write_like_an_American/pseuds/Write_like_an_American). 



> The idea behind Hraxlian Kraglin comes from the stories of Write_Like_An_American and Part_Time_Ravager. This story would not have happened otherwise.
> 
> This story is also for my wife, whose cackling glee inspires me.
> 
> Unbeta'd, let me know if you find anything that got fucked.

Normally, when lice or fleas or whatever was going around went through a ship he was on, Yondu just let everyone else deal with it. Other than the scraggly hairs on his chin, there wasn’t anything for most of that shit to cling to on him so he went by unaffected. He and whatever other hairless species were around would lounge in a corner and watch all the furrier ones scratch and curse and delouse each other. Sure, he’d get the occasional bite here and there until it was all cleared up, but it wasn’t that big a deal. It wasn’t worth bothering to do anything about it, not unless something major changed.

But then Yondu was captain of his own ship and he was the one who had to deal with the inevitable stabbings when his men would accuse each other of bringing around whatever the current external parasite was. After he lost his second doctor to the fighting, he laid in a big ol’ supply of an antiparasitic and dumped it out in the mess, telling everyone to just take the damn pill once a month and that the next person who stabbed anyone over a fucking bug was going to be scrubbing asteroid dust off every damn cockpit they had with nothing more than a space mask and their fucking leathers. It didn’t actually stop the parasites from going around, but it sure as fuck put an end to all the stabbing and shooting.

It didn’t matter again until the first time they had to delouse a small, fragile Terran, really. Kid wouldn’t let anyone comb his hair, wouldn’t take the damn pills and kept reinfesting the whole damn ship. It fell, as most things did when it came to the little shit, to Yondu to delouse him. It shouldn’t have been his job, but no one else would touch it, so he filled up a tub with an agriculture-grade flea dip (Terrans were basically animals the way they lived, so he figured it’d be safe), grabbed the kid by the ankles and half-drowned him until all the little bugs were done.

He figured that’d be the end of it. He’d done his duty, taught the kid the value of delousing himself and his crew wasn’t murdering each other over whatever the current infestation was anymore. The galaxy liked to make Yondu eat his words, however, even if he never gave voice to them, so that couldn’t possibly have been the end of it.

The kid was a little older, long since moved out of captain’s quarters (where he’d lived for his own damn protection for almost two whole standard cycles) and Yondu had his privacy back. Course, it wouldn’t do to be all on his own all by his lonesome. Waste of space, the crew would get all pissy about him taking privileges they didn’t like and then he’d have to crush yet another of Taserface’s half-cocked mutinies. So he moved Kraglin in, making it senior crew quarters. Which wasn’t at all a transparent attempt to be able to fuck his first mate whenever they had down time. He’d whistle down anyone who claimed Kraglin had bent over to get where he was, then show the survivors Kraglin’s hairy ass and ask if any of them thought that was some kind of attractive. (Yondu did, but he wasn’t going to tell anyone, especially Kraglin, that.)

It was nice, the privacy and the hot and cold running buggery. What was less nice was the way Yondu kept waking up itchy as fuck. Little raised welts covered his arms and legs, pissing him right off as he scratched at them. He went around the ship shouting at everyone to take their damn anti-parasitics and was met by a bunch of strange looks and promises that they already had. Final straw was when he woke up with a double welt on his fucking ballsack. He turned all the lights up to full brightness—something he didn’t think he’d done in about four or five years—and started tearing his nest apart. He rolled Kraglin right off the damn bed and Kraglin woke up shouting and scrambling for his weapons.

“Don’t even think about waving a damn blaster at me,” Yondu snapped. “Get up and look at this shit!” The pelts were crawling with bugs. That he hadn’t noticed them was a testament to how rarely he actually turned the lights up. “This is fucking ridiculous.”

“S’just a few bugs,” Kraglin muttered, scratching at his shoulder.

“Just a few? When they bite my fucking nuts, we crossed a line!”

“They don’t even like you.”

Yondu narrowed his eyes. “You been takin’ your anti-parasitics?” he asked.

“Course I have,” Kraglin said.

Kraglin was many things. He was delightfully violent. He was actually a pretty good strategist. He was good at being a stick in the mud when Yondu got something ridiculous into his head. He was a vicious haggler. He was also an absolutely shit liar. Which Yondu told him very kindly and politely with a punch to the face.

“OW! What the FUCK?” Kraglin demanded, clutching his nose. It was a terrible nose and Yondu didn’t see what he was bitching about. He’d probably improved it.

"Don't lie to me or I'll do worse than punch you!  You get this shit together into one of the nets and put it out the airlock.  I don't wanna see your ugly face until every fucking bug in my bedding's been killed by hard vacuum, clear?"

"You broke my nose!"

"Don't care.  Do as you're told or you'll be doing it naked!  And don't you think you can just come back here.  You're not getting in my damn bed again until such time as your ass is completely defleaed, deloused and debugged!"

"It ain't like it's that big a deal," Kraglin muttered.

"It got to be a big deal when my fucking nuts swelled up from your goddamn fleas!  Now hurry the fuck up.  You ain't getting laid again until my nuts are healed and you're bug-free."

Kraglin mumbled under his breath.  

"The fuck you just say?" Yondu asked, kicking at a pile of dirty clothes in an attempt to find his arrow.  He could, of course, just whistle for the damn thing but if he did, he'd end up putting holes in his own shit and he didn't want that.

"Nothin'."

"Good.  Cause that's what your cock's seein' until you get your ass cleaned up."

Kraglin made an irritated noise and pulled on a grimy pair of boxers he'd dropped in the corner at some unknown time in the hazy, distant past.  Yondu wasn't actually sure they weren't his, but he let it go.  

"Take the rest of my clothes, too.  My leathers could use a bit of a clean."  Hard vacuum really was the best way to clean one's clothes.  There was lots of it, it wasn't hell on fabrics and most of the crap cracked off when it froze.  Toss 'em out an airlock, reel 'em back in, hit 'em really hard.  

"But sir, my nose is--"

"I don't care if it's fallin' off.  You take my clothes or I'll give you a third nostril.  I want every bit of fabric in this room took care of.  I'm not waking up to this shit anymore.  And then take your goddamn tryfeksis, got it?"

Kraglin glared daggers at him, but did as he was told.  He was much better at doing what he was told than he was at lying and that was probably the only reason he'd survived into adulthood.  Still, sometimes he needed a little motivating, so Yondu picked up a trinket that had pissed him off one too many times from him stepping on it in the night and chucked it at his head.  Wouldn't do to make him think he was important.

 

 

 

The hardest part of putting Kraglin in sexile was that Yondu wasn't fucking anyone else on his ship.  Some of them were too likely to smear their dicks in something toxic to Centaurians to trust near his ass or any other orifice.  Some of them were little shits with delusions of grandeur who'd take it too seriously and think they'd got some power.  One of them was an actual little shit and that just didn't bear considering.

He managed three days of sexile, though, which was something of a record for Yondu.  Usually, he got bored or irritated and sought Kraglin out after less than twelve hours.  It was made easier in this case, however, by the fact that he spent most of that time on an M-Ship trying not to get killed after the folks he'd borrowed some items from, without asking and with no intention of ever giving them back, blew up one of his engines and he ended up running like a maniac.  A very drunk maniac, circling around wildly and hoping it was enough in the direction he wanted that he could get a pick up.  It was one of the longest trips back to the Eclector he'd ever had and by the time he got landed and got the Eclector out of there, he needed a quick fuck to get the adrenaline out of his system so he could crash and sleep about eight days.

He grabbed Kraglin by the collar and hauled him off to his quarters, much to Kraglin's visible relief--and erection.  Yondu was restrained and only punched him next to the dick to make that go away so no one else would see.  Kraglin didn't even whine, which was impressive enough that Yondu was even willing to indulge him in some kissing, risk his own lips and tongue for Kraglin's benefit.

Overall, things were going well for Yondu.  He got in a good wrestle, pretended he didn't want to have a cock shoved up his ass, let Kraglin win and then got a nice hard cock rammed into him.  It was all going exactly according to plan and he thought about the fact that maybe it'd be nice to sexile Kraglin more often.  Made the sex better, got a little more enthusiasm in the skinny asshole which translated to a better dicking.

Then, it happened.  There was an abrupt, itchy pain, right on his taint.  He froze.  Kraglin didn't freeze.  He grunted and sped up, reaching for Yondu's cock.  Yondu grabbed his hand and twisted, bending Kraglin's wrist back just shy of hard enough to dislocate the joint.

"OW!" Kraglin shrieked, trying to get free, which made him twist his hips, which made him shriek again.  

"Kraggles, sweetheart?"

Kraglin froze, rigid in place.  "Yes, Cap'n?" he said uncertainly.  At least he had the good sense to know when he'd fucked up.  "Y'need more lube?" he asked hopefully.

Yondu took a brief second to admire that Kraglin could maintain hope in the face of an oncoming apocalypse.  It was a bit amazing, really and Yondu couldn't help wondering exactly what it was that let him have that.  "Get out of my ass."

Kraglin had to twist awkwardly at the shoulder to do it, but he demonstrated a bit of rather impressive flexibility.  Yondu took note for later reference.

"Get on your hands and knees."

"Yes, Cap'n."  Kraglin's usually indomitable hope had fled and Yondu smiled.  Even naked with his asshole gaping and squelchy, he was enough of a threat to make Kraglin thoroughly afraid.  Good.

Yondu stood on the bed in front of Kraglin and bent over, pressing his ass nearly to Kraglin's face.  

"You want my mouth, sir?"

"No, I want you to take a good fucking look at it."

"Uh, okay..."

"You see it?"

"Uh..."

"Look harder."

"It'd help if I knew what I was looking for?"

"My taint, you fuckwit."

"Something new you want?"  Kraglin squinted up at him as Yondu twisted to glare at him.

"I tell you you could stop looking?  I didn't think so.  Look for the goddamned bug bite on my fucking taint, you asshole!"

"Oh," Kraglin said, dully.

"Yeah.  Oh."  Yondu gave a low whistle, bringing his arrow up from where it was propped against the wall.

"Uh, sir?"

"You didn't take your tryfeksis, did you?"

Kraglin swallowed audibly.  "Uh, no, sir."

"And why the hell not?"  Yondu turned fully, a little unnerved by the proximity of Kraglin's sharp teeth to his dick, but his arrow would protect him.  He gave a short, sharp whistle, putting it to Kraglin's earlobe.  He didn't have any desire to actually kill him, but Kraglin would look all right with an earring, if it came to it.

"Thought I could comb 'em out," he muttered.

"I told you to take the fucking pill.  You disobeyed a direct order."  Low, slow whistle, pressing the tip of the arrow harder against Kraglin's ear.

"Pill tastes nasty.  Makes me gag.  Like the organ meat of a flarking Chitauri."

Yondu's nose wrinkled.  He'd eaten that a few times when the Kree owned him.  It was among his least favourite foods.  It'd kept him alive but he'd wondered why he was bothering, sucking down the liver of those ugly fuckers.  "Put your clothes on," he said, in low, even tones. "Get your ass out of my quarters and take your goddamn pill."

Yondu knew Kraglin wouldn't take it.  Yondu wasn't stupid.  Yondu was in fact smarter than anyone gave him credit for.  Yondu had a fucking plan.  
  


 

 

  
  
Yondu was one of the best thieves in three galaxies (he wasn't going to talk about the Pinwheel Galaxy.  He still needed to do some murdering to get himself into first place there).  He enjoyed stealing, thought it was a good time.  Hell, he didn't just  _think_  it was a good time.  It straight up  _was_  a good time.  He rarely had a better time.

Sometimes, though, it was more fun to just straight up take what he wanted while holding the top of a small child's head and watching him flail to get it back.  It was shaping up to be one of those days and so he walked into the mess, grabbed the sickly sweet, sticky confection the child was happily devouring and then proceeded to watch Peter wave his arms trying to grab for it.

"Give it back!"

Yondu examined the candy, then licked it, a long swipe of his tongue coating half of it in spit.  "Ugh.  How can you even eat that?" he demanded, trying to wipe the taste from his tongue with the roof of his mouth.  "It's awful."

"It's mine!"

"Shit's only yours if you can hold onto it.  Looks like this one is mine now."

"I was eating that!"

Yondu considered that, then took a small bite of the candy.  It was terrible, but Kraglin's tastes ran towards the kid's, so it'd be perfect.  "Looks like I'm the one eating it now.  Get in the line and get some real food, you're so hungry.  You don't need all this sugar."

"But I want it."

"Then you better learn to hang onto it.  You can eat or starve, I don't care, but you got a double shift scrubbing down M-ships, so I'd recommend getting something in your belly."  Yondu took another disgusted nibble of the candy, gave the kid a little shove backwards and headed out of the mess with his prize.

As soon as he was in an abandoned bit of hallway, he pulled a tablet out of his pocket and shoved it into the half-melted, sticky mass in his hand.  He rolled the crap into a ball and examined it from all sides to see if he could see any part of the pill sticking out of it.  Satisfied, he continued on down the corridor.

Kraglin was lounging sideways in the captain's seat on the bridge, squinting non-comprehendingly at a datapad.  Reading wasn't really his strongest suit, but he could get by if he looked long enough.  He was a fair sight better than Yondu, who'd only learned to read after Stakar picked him up, anyway.  He was working hard enough at it that he didn't even notice Yondu come in.  Yondu crossed his arms and stood in front of his seat, waiting for Kraglin to look up.  It took an impressively long time and when Kraglin did notice, out of the corner of his eye, he jumped, almost falling onto the floor.

Yondu laughed.  "That shit never gets old."

"Sorry, Captain," Kraglin said, getting out of Yondu's seat.  Yondu didn't make any move to get into the chair.  Kraglin was still infested, after all.

"S'okay.  You got anything good?"

Kraglin shrugged.  "Maybe.  Not sure yet, but the number of units involved is good.  Just trying to figure out what the casualty level might be."

"Well, you know the rules on that."

"Yessir.  I'll let you know if it's worth it."  There was a definite wariness to Kraglin's posture.  He clearly wasn't sure at all that he'd been forgiven yet.  There was a reason Yondu trusted him with narrowing down job options and it wasn't cause he was pretty or well hung.  Even if he was pretty well hung.  It was his brain.

"See that you do."  Yondu glanced around the bridge, then held out his hand to Kraglin.  "Got you something," he said quietly, pretty sure that the bridge shift had all had their hearing damaged from enough explosions not to hear him.

Kraglin looked at the sugary lump suspiciously.  "Whazzat?"

"I dunno.  Stole it from Quill, but it's the kind of shit you like."

"Why are you giving it to me?"

"Didn't want to let the kid eat that much sugar.  You know how he gets, and it tastes like it'd probably go ahead and shut down my pancreas if I ate that shit."

Kraglin nodded slowly, a look Yondu didn't like settling onto his face.  It was a stubborn look, one that said he was going to dig his heels in and refuse.  "Think I'll save it for later."

Yondu shrugged.  "You got some paper or something?  It's sticky as shit and I ain't leaving it on my control panel."

Kraglin, asshole that he was, dug around in a pocket and pulled out the plastic wrapping from what was probably a very similar confection to the one sticking Yondu's fingers together.  "Here."

Yondu knew better than to push, so he took the wrapper and scraped the disgusting mess into it before holding it out to Kraglin.  "Wouldn't leave it too long.  Kid's definitely gonna come lookin' for it.  He was downright livid. Did the arm swing and all."

Kraglin snickered.  "Nice.  I'll keep it in mind."  He folded the plastic around the candy and shoved it into one of his pockets.

Yondu took pride in knowing things about his crew.  Knowing things about Kraglin was a goddamned obligation, though.  Kraglin was the most likely to be able to successfully take his ship and, given that he got to sleep in Yondu's bed, the most likely to stab Yondu in the spine in his sleep.  There was nothing he didn't know about Kraglin.  Nothing.  He knew that the pocket Kraglin had put the candy in was his 'straight to the trash' pocket.  

Yondu needed a better plan.

 

 

 

Yondu's strengths lay in coming up with unconventional solutions to people's problems.  It was a highly marketable skill, one he'd put to use on many occasions, occasions wherein he had very unconventionally obtained goods or identifiable body parts to solve conventional problems held by assholes with money who needed clean hands.  

After an evening of hard drinking and considering the problem at length, he came to a conclusion.  He didn't need to make Kraglin take his medication.  He just needed to change certain things about Kraglin to make him less appealing to fleas.  It was a good idea, one that made him take some time and another bottle of something burny and delicious to congratulate himself.

A bottle after that, he'd hit a point of intellectual clarity he wasn't sure he'd ever reached before.  There were many things he needed to change about Kraglin for this to work.  All of them had one thing in common.  They were  _hair follicles._ Kraglin had shitloads of them and they were all functional and did their thing to hold whatever bugs Kraglin came into contact with.  

The solution was simple and they'd encountered it in a backwater prison the far side of the Sunflower galaxy.  He didn't think he had any, but he'd looked up what was in it after he'd sobered up enough to escape the damn prison and it was easy enough to whip some up.  He just needed a big old pot and a few things from the med bay, the kitchen and a little hidey hole in his M-ship.  Easy peasey, he could have a bottle of the stuff ready by morning.  Join Kraglin in the shower, take care of business and then  _take care of business._

Yondu was a frakking genius.

Yondu was less certain of his genius when he woke up wrapped around an unfamiliar bottle with a giant label on it saying 'DO NOT DRINK'.  He wasn't sure where the bottle had come from.  He couldn't remember his logic, only that he'd had an epiphany.  He examined the bottle, then called up the most recent datafile in his records.  Yondu was at least twelve times smarter when drunk (he'd calculated it once, while drunk) and had learned to record his best ideas.  He wasn't disappointed when his face came on the screen.  He squinted at it through light-sensitive eyes and prophylactically turned down the volume before anything could start.

"You've solved the fleas, you clever bastard.  Gotta get rid of the fur.  All you gotta do is take the bottle and rub it on Kraggie.  Rub him all over.  Keep him busy a couple minutes before he rinses.  How you wanna keep him busy don't matter, but I'm sure you'll figure it."  The rest of the file was literally Yondu's face snoring into the the side of the bottle, which proved he'd definitely been golden-drunk when he'd recorded.  This meant it was going to go perfectly.  

Of course, making it happen meant luring Kraglin down to the showers for a 'strategy meeting.'  Which was, unsurprisingly, met with high levels of suspicion.

"What's the strategy meeting for?" Kraglin asked as he entered the shower, eyeing Yondu's naked and wet form with appreciation.

"You think I'm gonna wait until your little friends are gone to get laid?  You stupid?"  Yondu rubbed at his implant under the water without looking at Kraglin.  Paying too much attention to him would screw the whole damn thing up and besides, better not to waste clean water time.  His implant was so much nicer in the mirror when it was shiny.

"Well... yeah, I sort of did."  Kraglin was approaching, Yondu could hear it.  It was slow, cautious and Yondu knew he'd have to tread carefully to get this done.

"Dunno what I promoted you for if you're that much of a dumbass.  Bugs don't like water.  They shouldn't bite me if you get me off while we're showering and besides, if I scrub you down first we should get rid of some of the little bastards."

"You sure?  I, uh, still ain't taken the pill."

Yondu wasn't surprised, but he put his back into the glare he levelled at Kraglin.  "I dunno why the hell not.  I get that it tastes bad, but you chase it down with enough booze and you won't even notice."

"Tried that last time.  Something about the combination of the booze and the tryfeksis makes my asshole burn when I shit and I can't keep most of the shit in the galley down for a day or two.  The stuff gives me indigestion at the best of times."

"Dunno how you'd notice with most of what we end up eating.  Not sure I took a normal shit this year, except when we were on Xandar that one time."

"When the Broker was out of town when we got there?"

"Yeah.  Think I had a normal shit that week."

Kraglin shrugged, stepping under the spray.  "I usually do all right.  Tough digestive system."

"So tough it out and take the damn pill."  Yondu rubbed some soap--double checking it was the right bottle--on his ass and squinted at Kraglin as the water bounced off him to hit Yondu in the eye.

"They don't even hardly make me itch.  Pretty much everyone where I'm from has 'em pretty much all the time.  We don't notice much.  Don't get any of the weird sick shit other species seem to get.  Had 'em so often they're practically old friends."

Yondu gave him a half-hearted shove.  It was only half-hearted because otherwise they'd both end up careening into the walls, given the build up of slimy crap on the floor.  "Remind me to send Quill in here to scrub down when we're done."

"Ain't he on maintenance this week?"

"Well he can maintain the damn shower.  Just take your fucking pills.  I don't care if they make you feel shitty."

Kraglin had his head under the spray and Yondu wasn't sure if he'd heard him, so he grabbed the bottle his drunk self had made up for him and approached Kraglin from the side.  Better not to do it from behind.  Wouldn't do to get his throat torn out cause Kraglin felt the need to defend himself.  It'd almost happened before and Yondu had too much on his mind to fight for his life.

"What's that?" Kraglin asked, eyeing the bottle.  Damn.  Still suspicious.

"I dunno.  Someone left it in here but it smells good and it's in a bottle colour what won't kill either of us.  Let me get the scrubbing portion of this shit over with so I can fuck you."

"Lemme smell.  You think some shit that smells like shit smells good and I don't wanna be smelling some kinda swamp slime all fucking day."

Yondu rolled his eyes and held out the bottle, hoping that his drunk self had been possessed of the foresight to make it smell like... he wasn't sure what.  Flowers or food or some shit like that.

Kraglin sniffed delicately a couple times, then nodded.  "Yeah, all right.  Put some of that on me and then let's go."

"Sure."  Yondu started pouring it over Kraglin's shoulders.  It was pretty runny, spread easily and the smell wasn't making Yondu want to gag, so he was definitely on the right track.  He rubbed it in all over Kraglin's back and arms, then headed down towards his nether regions.

It was going well.  Everything was nice.  Kraglin was making some happy noises as Yondu dragged his nails through the scrubby hair on his lower back.  Yondu's hands were tingling nicely in preparation for... wait.  Yondu paused.  His hands didn't usually tingle for anything.  That was weird.

Still, not worth pausing.  Not when he was so close to eradicating Kraglin's little buddies.  He kept rubbing, getting down lower, rubbing it through the thicker hair on Kraglin's ass and groin.  The tingling increased.  It was getting a little hot.  Little burny.  It was okay.  They were surrounded by water.  Water would save him.  It'd be fine.  He could rinse as soon as he got Kraglin slicked down.

"Hey boss, you think that stuff's supposed to be so... tingly?"

Yondu scrubbed the concoction through Kraglin's pubic hair a little more briskly.  He still needed to get down Kraglin's legs before things got worse.  "Dunno.  Maybe it's s'posed to make you feel extra clean?"

"Maybe."  Kraglin sounded doubtful and Yondu was starting to smell a sort of burnt hair smell that was going to clue him in soon.  Yondu dropped to his knees and started down Kraglin's thighs, scooping some back up to rub it into his ass crack.

They needed to move quickly.  The burning was getting unbearable and, while Kraglin tended to have thicker skin for this sort of thing than Yondu did, Yondu was pretty sure drunk Yondu had made a minor chemistry error somewhere and that this had the potential to get really, really burny.  Burny enough that Kraglin was going to notice and sober, hungover Yondu was starting to have very small amounts of doubt in drunk Yondu.  Never let it be said, however, that Yondu backed down easily.

He persevered.  The burning increased.  He pushed through.

"Cap'n?  I think someone put this shit in the wrong coloured bottle.  This ain't compatible with me.  You doin' all right?"  Kraglin was stepping under the spray to start rinsing.

Yondu could not allow this.  He grabbed Kraglin's wrist.  Kraglin tried to pull his wrist free.  There was a sort of tearing feeling on Yondu's palm.  Yondu didn't scream.  He didn't howl.  He made a soft grunt and held his hand up to see what was going on.

His hand was basically one giant blister.  The blister had broken, exposing raw, burnt flesh underneath.  Yondu meeped.

"Cap'n?"

Yondu shoved Kraglin to the side and put both hands under the water, panic rising in his throat.  His hands shouldn't look like that.  His hands were fucking necessary for things like jerking off.  And stealing and shit.  

"What the fuck was in that bottle?" Kraglin demanded, his eyes widening as he fumbled for another showerhead to turn on.

"Was trying to get your damn fleas gone!"  Yondu knew he shouldn't rub at his skin.  He knew it would make it worse.  He wanted to scrub like crazy, get all the shit off him.  His fucking skin was trying to slough off.  He wanted to scream.  He couldn't scream.  

"What?"

"Figured if I got rid of your fucking hair, it'd get rid of the fucking fleas."  The water wasn't helping.  The burning was getting worse.

"What the fuck gave you that idea?"

"Was thinkin' about it last night."  His voice was rising even though he was trying to stay calm.  He couldn't keep his voice steady.  The pain was just getting worse.  

"You were so drunk I don't think you could whistle last night."  Kraglin's voice was flat, irritated as he shoved Yondu sideways a little so he could have half the spray, the other showerhead not responding.

"Well, yeah."

"Where'd you find the shit in that bottle?"

"Made it."

Kraglin sputtered.  Yondu didn't have the mental wherewithal to look and see if he had water in his face or if he was pissed off.  He didn't have to wait long to find out.  "Why do you always do this stupid-ass shit when you're drunk?  It's like your brain falls out your damn skull!"

"I get my best ideas when I been drinking."  Even through the pain, Yondu was offended.

"I end up doing more fucking work to keep us all from getting killed for the shit you think's a good idea when you're drunk than I do when fucking Taserface been talkin' to locals!"  Kraglin shoved at Yondu's shoulder.  "You mean to tell me you think you're some kinda genius?"

"That's sounding like mutiny talk."

Kraglin didn't seem to hear him, because he made a clucking sound with his tongue.  "That looks bad.  It hurt?"

"No, it fucking tickles."

"We gotta get you to the medbay.  That's bad."

"I ain't going to the fucking doc."

"Y'know how you made me first mate?"

"No, I forgot about that," Yondu snarled.

"Means it's my job to lead when the Cap'n's incapacitated.  You're incapacitated.  Put on some clothes or I will fucking throw you over my shoulder and carry you down there naked."

Yondu was not going through his damn ship naked unless he was proving a point.  "Fine.  Then get Quill in here to clean this shit up.  Make sure he wears some fucking gloves.  Terrans is delicate."

Kraglin snorted.  "Kinda like rainforest scumbags, huh?"

"What'd you just say?"

"Nothing, sir.  Nothing."

 

 

 

The delousing of his first mate took a backseat in Yondu's reality for a little while.  His hands needed some fucking skin before he got serious about anything frivolous.  The bandages made it hard to do more than eat and give orders--though he did learn he could just about pilot a ship with a yaka arrow.  Sex was completely off the table, not just because of his hands but because Kraglin had developed a few smaller blisters in some tricky places.  His thicker skin had protected him in all but a couple very sensitive spots.

Kraglin was genuinely furious with Yondu and Yondu wasn't sure he was actually wrong.  After all, along with the damn blisters, half the crew was pretty well convinced Kraglin had some kind of mange and Yondu had sort of wrecked half his mohawk, though, in his defense, he had meant to leave that alone.  He'd been distracted by the burning and wasn't actually sure when he'd touched Kraglin's head.

Even Quill had taken a few swipes at Kraglin's hair situation and that was... well... Yondu had definitely fucked up.  He'd fucked up epicly and so he did something he generally made a policy of not doing.  It took pretty much everything in him and he was pretty sure he'd choke on his words and  _die_ , but he apologized.  He apologized and he invited Kraglin back into his nest and he shut up about the fleas.

It only had a little bit to do with the fact that, with his hands so thoroughly bandaged, he couldn't actually unbuckle his belt or anything else.  It was a dark time in his life and having to piss on Kraglin's schedule was absolutely shit--he was pretty sure that Kraglin's ancestors had lived in a desert at some point, cause he could go more than half a shift without pissing but there was genuinely no one else Yondu trusted enough to even consider letting them help him piss.   And there was no fucking way he was going to lower himself to changing his mode of dress.  Bandaged hands or no, he was a Ravager captain and if an entire council of Ravagers putting him in exile hadn't been able to actually take that from him, there was no way a few blisters were going to.

It just meant apologizing.  And getting Kraglin to believe him.  The ulterior motive of belt unfastening helped him a lot in lowering Kraglin's guard.  Yondu was glad because he wasn't sure how to tell the truth to someone and get them to believe them.  He was much better at lying.

Still, they muddled through.  Yondu drank a little less--dehydration wasn't nothing to him after twenty years as a Kree battle slave--and Kraglin pissed a little more and they fell into bed together when they got exhausted enough and Yondu didn't say a goddamned word about the bug bites he couldn't even scratch peppering his body.  If anything, the little fuckers were hungrier than they'd ever been and Yondu wasn't about to piss Kraglin off by having him space the laundry.  

Weeks passed.  Yondu was pretty sure his balls were one giant bug bite, but the passage of time meant more than the increase of the infestation in his nest.  It meant his hands healed and, eventually, they were bandage free.  The new skin, shiny and darker blue than the rest of it, was more sensitive, but that'd pass once he built the callouses back up.  He even took Quill down planetside to celebrate full use of his fingers, teaching the kid to shoot blasters so he could start getting gun callouses back.  After all, some jobs needed some of that damn subtlety bullshit and his arrow was a bit of an obvious calling card.

He pretended not to notice Kraglin crouching next to the kid and muttering rapidly when he went to go piss in the woods.  He definitely didn't see how much the kid's aim improved after he got back.  It was just practice and the kid getting used to his weapon and it had absolutely nothing at all to do with Kraglin, who was just as likely as any of the rest of the crew to threaten the kid with the stew pot--though Yondu did trust that his first mate wouldn't actually follow through until he got the go-ahead from Yondu.

It was halfway back to the Eclector that he had a brilliant idea as to how he could get Kraglin to take the damn flea pill.  He couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before and it would be so damn simple to manage.  Most species, after all, if you couldn't get a drug in the top side, you put it in the bottom side and it all worked out the same in the end.  And Kraglin deserved a reward for not killing the kid when he'd almost taken out one of the ship's engines (and how the fuck was the kid's aim really that bad?  He'd have to look into Terrans' eyesight.  Maybe the kid needed some kind of enhancement to be trusted with a fucking weapon.)  All Yondu had to do was get to his cabin ahead of Kraglin and it'd be done.  Kraglin would be flea free and Yondu would be happy.

It was so simple.  Nothing could possibly go wrong.  When they landed back on board, Yondu sent Kraglin off to check on the bridge crew while he did post-landing checklist on his M-ship.  Or so he said.  He actually gave that job to Quill, who was so thrilled he squealed a little, a high pitched sound that put Yondu in mind of a foggy memory where his father had smacked his head on something or other and bent his crest over double.  He was pretty sure the kid had just done a passable imitation of a Zatoan swear and he wracked his brain the whole way back to his cabin trying to figure out what exactly the real word was.

He was still thinking about it while he stuck a trifeksis tablet into a bag, popped the bag into his mouth and crushed the pill between his teeth.  He crunched thoughtfully, unable to capture the memory properly, then spat out the little baggie and examined the powdered pill.  A few little chunks here and there, but good enough that he figured it'd just dissolve into the lube and Kraglin would be none the wiser.  He mashed the crushed pill into the hole in the tube of lube, working slowly not to lose any, and then capped it off.  He took his clothes off and lounged on the bed, rearranging himself in his most irresistible pose so Kraglin wouldn't want anything more than to fall into bed with him.  He masturbated lazily to make sure he'd be hard and ready when Kraglin finally came in.

"Bridge crew didn't do anything too stupid while we was gone," Kraglin reported as he came through the door, squinting at his wrist unit.  He sometimes tried to read reports while he walked, a habit Yondu really needed to break him of before he managed to make the crew think he was some kind of reading fiend.  He stopped just inside the doorway, bringing his wrist to his face and muttering something, probably a word he was trying to sound out.  

Yondu let out a short, sharp whistle, not engaging his arrow.  He stretched his legs out and smiled.

Kraglin jumped, hands coming up defensively, then relaxed visibly with his whole body as he saw Yondu.  "Oh," he said, a smile starting to spread across his face.  "Hi."

"Get in the damn bed."

"That an order, Cap'n?"

"Not gonna tell you twice."

Kraglin was quick with his fingers when he needed to be.  Yondu had once seen him pickpocket the same man three times in a row for fun and he'd always admired that dexterity.  He especially admired it when Kraglin got his jumpsuit off and on the floor in less time than it took him to walk from the doorway to the bed.  "You don't gotta," he said, shoving his underpants down.  His dick, ever responsive, was already starting to plump up and Yondu mentally patted himself on the back.  There were benefits to having a slightly younger man as your partner and one of them was the fact that he didn't have to do much to keep the fucking romance in their lives.

Kraglin flopped down on the bed next to Yondu and looked him over.  "You got a plan?"

"Stupid question.  Course I got a plan."  Yondu didn't bother with a whole bunch of sentimental bullshit in his foreplay, never had.  If he was paying for it, he was paying to bypass that shit and if he was getting it from someone he gave anything more than 1/50th of a fuck about, then they knew him well enough not to give a fuck.  He grabbed for Kraglin's dick and started tugging at it briskly.  "Gonna make you completely destroy the bed with my cock shoved so far up your ass you can taste it."

Kraglin grinned.  "Yeah, okay.  Sounds nice."

Yondu snorted.  Course Kraglin would say that.  He was so damn easy.  He'd take whatever he could get as long as someone touched his dick a few times.  Pathetic.  But useful, so Yondu would take it. 

One thing Yondu absolutely loved about fucking Kraglin was the fact that he basically had to put zero effort into it.  He could just sort of make a ring with his hand and Kraglin would rut into it.  Yondu'd let him get himself all worked up until he was damn near ready to go off and then he'd smack him (not too hard--Yondu had learned the hard way exactly how hard he could smack Kraglin's dick without losing a mouthful of flesh) and roll him over.    

Yondu was in a good mood, given he was about to get rid of the damn fleas, so he even let Kraglin jerk him off for a bit before he went to the smacking and the rolling.  Not too much--he wasn't going to risk going off and ruining his plan--but enough to make Kraglin feel useful, important.  Enough to let him think he could pretend he was something of an equal partner in sex at least.  Let him have his illusions.

Soon enough, though, it was time for the final act and he shoved Kraglin exactly where he wanted him and grabbed the lube.  The pill would've had enough time to dissolve all the way, he figured, and he'd just use a little extra to make sure he got the full dose into his first mate's asshole.  It'd make it extra slippy and that couldn't be bad.

He was always a little impatient and executing a perfect plan was not going to calm that, so he dumped a little of the lube over his finger and shoved it in Kraglin's ass.  Kraglin shoved his ass back--so good at doing most of the work--and took it like a champ.  There was no pausing, no thinking about it.  He was tight, tight enough Yondu figured it might be a little rough getting in.  He considered it and took a little more time than he usually would, giving Kraglin a couple thrusts and even a second finger before he lost patience with it.  The best cure for a tight ass was extra slick, so he shoved the squirty end of the lube tube in and gave a good squeeze.  

Drug was delivered, it was just time to thoroughly rub it in.  With his dick.  He dumped some extra lube on his cock and started to slowly shove his way in.  It was tight, tough going, but Kraglin was good with it, grunting and rocking back, trying for more.  He was well-trained, knew better than to fight it, knew better than to try for anything slower.  If Kraglin wanted to be handled with kid gloves, he could handle the prep himself and just walk around ready at all times.

Actually, that was a good idea and Yondu was going to have to look into implementing a new rule for quiet days.  He rocked in, then slowly pulled out a bit, backing off and giving Kraglin a second before moving back in.  There was a little more friction than he'd anticipated given the amount of slick he'd got going, but he chalked it up mostly to how tight Kraglin was.

"Calm down, tight-ass, or I'm not gonna get it all the way in."  He smacked Kraglin's thigh, then grabbed it to pull Kraglin onto his dick.

Kraglin's response was a grunt and a wiggle of his hips.  That felt nice.  Yondu pushed in, pulled out then started a series of long, slow slides in and out.  Yondu liked it better that way, kept from oversensitizing his dick too early.  Kraglin would be shoving back uncontrollably when he approached his climax and it could get downright fucking painful if Yondu started things off with too much enthusiasm.

The rhythm picked up pace slowly, Yondu holding back and Kraglin trying for more.  Yondu started jerking Kraglin's cock.  Kraglin made the best noises when he was getting jerked off while Yondu fucked him.  Sort of feral and growly.  It was nice, sexy.  Easily differentiated from the way Kraglin usually sounded so it didn't give Yondu wood on the bridge just talking to him.

The friction, weirdly, was increasing, not tapering off as Kraglin loosened up.  It should have been getting easier to shove in, but it was actually getting harder, It was like the lube was getting thicker, which was strange.  Yondu shrugged to himself and held Kraglin still long enough to dump more lube on his dick before he went back to thrusting.  

Kraglin started his attempts to ramp up the speed and Yondu let him, pulling Kraglin up onto his knees so he could get more leverage to shove backwards.  Things got faster and Kraglin's ass was tight around Yondu's dick.  He watched his shiny cock disappearing over and over into Kraglin's asshole and tilted his head to the side as he noticed sort of stringy tendrils connecting them.  That definitely wasn't right, but Yondu could figure that out after he came.

He was getting closer, so he wasn't slowing down.  He grabbed Kraglin's cock a little harder and let Kraglin fuck his fist, moving like some kind of animal, his cock swelling in Yondu's hand.  It was so good.

And then...

Then it just  _wasn't._ The increase in friction suddenly leapt upwards and something sharp fucking tore at the underside of Yondu's dick, only when he went to pull out, Kraglin screamed and launched himself back onto Yondu's dick harder.  It wasn't a good scream.  It was a painful scream.  One that might have made Yondu worry if he'd heard it over his own shouting.  Something was stabbing him in the dick, Kraglin wouldn't get off it and he was possibly, maybe a little, panicking.

Yondu made another attempt at pulling out of Kraglin but it was like trying to rip his own dick off.  He let out a high pitched click-whistle of agony, the pain sending his brain back into instinct.  The whistle, of course, made Kraglin panic and try to escape, which led to more yanking and more screaming until Yondu straight up laid down on top of Kraglin, screaming in his ear until the pain went down enough that he could make out what Kraglin was shouting.  

"Ow ow ow oh frak I think you broke my dick and oh god my ASS what the FUCK?"

"Stay still," Yondu grunted, unable to actually fight Kraglin's squirming.

"What did you  _do?"_

"I didn't do anything!" Yondu said.  

"Did you mix up the lube with fucking epoxy?"

Yondu picked up the tube and waved it an inch from Kraglin's eyeball.  "No!"

"Then what the fuck?"

Yondu shook his head.  "I have no fucking clue."

"Well this never happened before so you did something!"

"Didn't," Yondu insisted, pinching Kraglin's earlobe hard to try and stop him from squirming.  It had the opposite effect.  "Stay still!"

"If you did anything different, you better tell me right now or I swear to the fucking void that I will tear myself away from you and I don't care if it rips your dick off."

That was actually a threat worth considering because Yondu was genuinely very attached to his cock.  And wanted to stay that way.  "It weren't nothing."

"Cap'n."

"It weren't!"

"Yondu, you have five seconds!"

Yondu groaned and buried his face in the back of Kraglin's neck before mumbling, "I put the tryfeksis in the lube."

"What?"

Yondu raised his head.  "I put the tryfeksis in the lube."

Kraglin went still and silent.  Yondu wished he could actually see his face because there was something terrifying about just how still and silent he went.  He didn't move, barely breathed.

"You dead?" Yondu asked impatiently after a moment.

"No, I'm laying here trying not to kill you.  This has to be a chemical reaction between the lube and the pill.  Unless you did something  _else?"_ There was a warning tone to the last word that let Yondu know this was his last chance.

"Nothing.  Nothing at all.  I didn't know this could even happen."

"Which means you don't got a backup plan for getting us out of this, do you?"

"Uh."

"Fuck."

Yondu started to pull back to try and examine the problem, but Kraglin all but launched himself at Yondu's front.  

"If you yank my intestines out with your fucking dick--"

"I'm just trying to see how we're connected!"

"With glue, you fucking idiot!"

"Don't you talk to me like that."

"Thought we agreed you weren't my captain when your cock's up my ass."

They had.  It'd been a half drunk conversation, one where they'd been trying to justify to each other that they could have as much sex as they liked without it being any kind of conflict of interest with the well-being of the ship.  They'd agreed that a) Yondu wasn't Kraglin's captain when his cock was up Kraglin's ass, b) Kraglin was never the fucking captain shut up and c) nothing that came out of Kraglin's filthy mouth would be held against him outside of the bedroom as long as he kept it in the bedroom.  Or the nearest janitor closet.  Or wherever their naked dicks were making contact with one another.

"Fine."

"I think I'm actually going to kill you for this."

"Why don't we see if I can figure out a way to get us disconnected before you go in for that?  I'm gonna pull back--not out--so I can see.  Just fucking hold still."

"Fine."

Yondu raised his upper body and peered down between them, trying to see what was going on.  It was really too dark to get a decent look.  "Shine the light from your comm unit back here."

Kraglin grunted irritably and wriggled a moment, but his wrist comm ended up between them.

Yondu stared and shifted his hips a little trying to get just a little better of a look.  They were definitely glued together.  Kraglin's ass hair was actually stuck in patches to Yondu's crotch and he was pretty sure his ballsack was glued to Kraglin's right thigh.  More crucial, however, was a splash of colour just above Kraglin's asshole.  "Aw shit."

"What?"

"Wish your blood was a different colour'n mine."

Kraglin turned his head to look at Yondu out the corner of his eye.  "What?"

"One of us is bleeding or both of us is bleeding.  Might be me.  Something fucking tore my dick at the end there... maybe a little bit of tablet what didn't get crushed up enough?"

"Shit."

"I think we're gonna have to call in the doctor."

"No."

"Not seeing a lotta choices here.  We can't just wait for it to wear off.  We don't know if it ever will!"

Kraglin grunted and tapped at his comm unit.  "I am going to kill you for this."

"Yeah, well, leave it until we're separated."

"Oh trust me," Kraglin said, ominously.  "We'll be  _separated_."

 

 

 

Yondu rarely became aware of his poorest life choices being, well, poor life choices.  It wasn't something he much concerned himself with.  Kraglin was always there to have his back and make sure everything would be all right, even when Yondu stumbled.  This was the way of the ship, a way that everyone on the ship knew well.  

No one knew how to deal with the fact that Kraglin was not speaking to Yondu.  At all.

"Quill, tell the Captain that we'll be in range of the target in half an hour," Kraglin said, from where he was sitting, doing the final calculations for the job.

"Captain, Kraglin says we'll be at the target in half an hour," Peter said, tremulously.

"I can hear him just as good when he says it himself," Yondu snapped, turning the ship slightly to stay on route.

"Captain says he can hear you," Peter said to Kraglin.

"Well, tell him to quit fucking eavesdropping then, cause it ain't none of his business what I say to you."

Peter turned to Yondu.  He gulped, audibly, mouth gaping like some kind of creature out of the air it was meant to breathe.  "Uh, Captain..."

"Yeah, I heard him," Yondu repeated irritably.  It had taken exactly one exchange for Yondu to try sending Quill away and forcing Kraglin to talk to him.  It had taken approximately five seconds after that for Kraglin to stomp down the hall and drag Quill back by his ear, shaking him every few steps. 

For the first time since Peter had been brought on board, Peter actually seemed more terrified of disobeying Kraglin than Yondu and the Terran had steadfastly refused to leave the bridge.  When Yondu had demanded an explanation, the only thing Peter had said was something about 'the teeth.'  Yondu, having been on the receiving end of those teeth on one notable occasion, simply patted the child on the shoulder and let him go on passing Kraglin's words to Yondu.  It was better than being responsible for the child's death, not after what he'd lost to keep the kid alive.

Still, it was obnoxious and Yondu didn't see a lot of ways out of it.  Kraglin hadn't spoken to him in twenty-two day-cycles.  Yondu wasn't sure where Kraglin was sleeping or even  _if_  Kraglin was sleeping.  He wasn't sure if he was more worried about the health of his first mate or the health of the crew if Kraglin wasn't and there was no way to ask.  Where Kraglin was, there was Peter, trembling and offering up Kraglin's words in a sad, treble echo.

It was pathetic and, as punishments Yondu had been on the receiving end of went, it was effective.  Still, Yondu had a grim plan, the kind that could be borne of desperation and nothing else.  After all, the crew were starting to talk.  They were starting to have words to say about the fact that captain and mate weren't communicating.  And that?  Could be deadly.  Yondu didn't want to have to space Kraglin, but it was rapidly becoming apparent that he was running out of options if he wanted to keep crew and ship intact.

"Quill, go to the mess and get my dinner rations," Yondu commanded.

"Uh..."  Peter looked over at Kraglin questioningly.  Yondu hated that.

"Go ahead," Kraglin said.  "I think we can handle this.  Grab mine while you're there." 

Peter ran.

The silence was like being suspended in the void.  If Yondu were a less confident man, he would have checked to make sure that Kraglin was still there and hadn't just dissolved into the atmosphere.  He was confident though and he wasn't stupid, so he simply engaged the autopilot and got to his feet.  He crossed his arms and stared out into space in front of him.

"I get it.  You're pissed at me."  He didn't bother looking at Kraglin, just trusted that he was listening and hadn't done something completely moronic like shove Quill's earphones on.  "I made a very minor judgement error."

There was a snort and yeah, Kraglin was listening.  Yondu waited a moment to see if he'd respond, but he fell silent again.

"Thing is, I shouldn't have tried to sneak that shit into you.  It weren't right."  It hadn't been.  He could see that clearly now.

"Damn straight you shouldn't've."

First thing Kraglin had said directly to him in weeks and Yondu felt something in his chest release.  It was a relief.  This wasn't unfixable.  He could do this.  "I should've been upfront."

Silence, but then Kraglin had never been one for speaking when he didn't need to.  He'd never been one for idle chitchat, not as long as Yondu had known him.  The odds of him responding to an obvious statement were pretty low if it was stated by someone who had two brain cells to rub together.  He'd wait it out.

"See," he said, and reached into his pocket.  "We're Ravagers.  We got a code.  We get our own but that don't mean I sneak around behind your back and do stupid shit."  He turned.  Kraglin was still sitting, not looking at him.  His shoulders were pulled up closer to his ears.  Yondu started slowly walking towards Kraglin, keeping his footsteps as quiet as he could.

Still no response.  Kraglin was motionless, though, which meant he was listening.  Yondu tried to walk even more quietly, but speed it up.

"What I should have done," he said, as soon as he was in arm's reach of Kraglin, "was this."  

Kraglin tipped his head back to look up into Yondu's face, alarmed.  He'd never developed any instinct for protecting his throat and it was going to make this so much easier.  Yondu pulled his hand out of his pocket, the pill he'd secreted in there pinched between two fingers and he grabbed Kraglin's lower jaw with his other hand.  He pulled the top of Kraglin's head against his stomach and started trying to ram the pill into Kraglin's mouth.

Predictably, Kraglin bit him.  With both sets of teeth.  It felt like they were digging into his finger bones.  Yondu yelled, but he didn't let go of the pill.  He had known he'd get bitten, he'd known it would hurt, but when he got the pill down Kraglin's throat the right way, without any subterfuge, everything would go back to normal.  They just needed a good tussle, a fight to get it all into the open and there was no better time than the present.  They needed it out of the way before they hit the drop zone.

Kraglin was clamped down hard and no amount of yanking would get Yondu's fingers free, so he pulled Kraglin out of his chair.  As soon as Kraglin's legs were in rage, he kicked back.  There was a struggle then and soon Yondu found himself on the floor, on his back, Kraglin arching up above him.  Kraglin's teeth had moved to his wrist and there was glistening blue blood running over the dull red of Yondu's jacket.  The pain was excruciating, and arousing.  Yondu wrapped his legs around Kraglin's waist and tried to roll them both over.

Trying to wrestle with Kraglin was always a little like trying to wrestle something slimy.  Like some kind of ropy, slimy fish or something.  He could escape almost any hold Yondu put him in.  It was a good thing that a) Yondu had his arrow and b) Kraglin had no designs on the captaincy, because in hand-to-hand, Kraglin would beat him nine times out of ten.  Still, Yondu wasn't playing to win. He was just playing to get a single tablet down Kraglin's gullet.  After that, it didn't matter any longer who won or lost.

Kraglin got himself turned over and went for Yondu's throat with his teeth.  Yondu managed to move enough that Kraglin connected with the side of his neck instead.  Yondu groaned and bucked up against Kraglin, bringing the pill up and trying to slip it into Kraglin's mouth while he bit Yondu's neck again.

He didn't quite succeed, but Yondu kept trying and Kraglin kept biting.  Yondu struggled to focus on the task at hand on several occasions.  Kraglin bit clean through his shirt, tearing a strip out of Yondu's chest and that was something they hadn't done in awhile.  Yondu couldn't help arching up into him, pressing upwards before remembering that he needed to get on top, use the bit of weight he had on Kraglin to just get the damn pill down his throat.

Yondu rolled them, one hand skidding through slippery blood on the floor, sliding enough that he almost failed.  He was on top, trying to just shove the fucking pill down Kraglin's throat, when the door swooshed open.  Kraglin bucked.  The pill went rolling across the floor.  Yondu looked up at where it had gone.  It disappeared under Quill's boot, likely crushed into dust.  Kraglin took advantage of Yondu's distraction to yank him down and bite his cheek, hard.

There was a thud as the two packs of rations hit the floor and Peter shouted.  "What the hell?"  

Yondu tried to get his face free of Kraglin's mouth to tell the kid he wasn't seeing anything, to see what the kid was about to do, but then there was the thud of footprints.  

"EVERYONE!  COME QUICK!  KRAGLIN'S EATING YONDU!" Peter shouted as he ran.

That was all it took for Kraglin to let go, throw his head back and start laughing.  Yondu watched where Peter had run off for a second, then put his forehead down against Kraglin's and laughed.  "If he knew..."

"We better get us cleaned up 'fore the crew gets here," Kraglin said.  "Or this is gonna look bad.

"Could just lock 'em out."

"Pretty sure the idea I'm cannibalizing the captain's enough to get them to cut through the door."

"Not cannibalism if we're not the same species."

"Ha, yeah.  Yeah, let's clean up a little.  This job goes well, sir, way I figure it, you owe me.  I'm gonna eat you alive."

Yeah, they were going to be okay.

 

 

 

Okay or not, however, Yondu couldn't tolerate the fleas.  He also couldn't get the damn flea pill into Kraglin without an escalating war or burning bridges his penis really liked crossing.  But that was okay, if there was one thing he'd learned, it was that there was more than one way to skin pretty much any species out there.  If you couldn't get the damn pill into the idiot you were sleeping with, well, it was time to get the moron into something a little more topical.

And it was only too easy to talk Quill into helping.  

It was a simple plan, really.

One vat of agriculture grade flea dip, which he wouldn't be needing to use on the Terran anymore.  One Terran to jump under the feet of a certain Hraxian first mate.  One Hraxian first mate told there was a fire in the engine room.

For once in Yondu's life, something went according to plan.  And the peals of laughter when Quill leapt to his feet and saw Kraglin sputtering and spitting out the pink-hued flea dip didn't sound half bad either.  Neither did the flea-less bed.


End file.
